The Sermon
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One day Mr. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at his
church. "Reverend," he said, "I have a problem; my wife keeps falling
asleep during your sermons.  It's very embarrassing.  What should I
do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this pin with you. I'll be
able to tell when she's sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific
times.  When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg with the
pin."

In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this,
the preacher put his plan to work. "...And who made the ultimate
sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mr. Jones.

"Jesus!" cried Mrs. Jones as her husband jabbed her in the leg with
the pin.

"Yes, you are right, Mrs. Jones," said the minister.

Soon, Mrs. Jones nodded off again.  Again, the minister noticed her
dozing.  "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning
towards Mr. Jones.

"God!" cried out Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin once
again.  "Right again, Mrs. Jones," said the minister, smiling and
continuing his sermon.

Before long, Mrs. Jones dozed off again. However, this time the
minister didn't notice.  As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he
made a few motions that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to wake his wife
again.  He was just sticking his wife with the pin again when the
minister asked, "...And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him
his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones shrieked, "You stick that damned thing in me one more
time and I'll break it off and shove it up your ass!