dog fight

The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if
they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole
world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with
one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the
world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in
the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They
selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his
siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and
after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever
seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody
could get near it.

When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange
animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the
Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly
last ten seconds with the Russian dog. When the cages were opened up, the
Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had
the Russian dog almost completely surrounded.

When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund
reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left
at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking
their heads in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened.
We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and
Rottweiler bitches in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons
working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.