What You Shouldn't Cook to Impress People

I, as a respectable internet ham, would never condone the use of food to
gain favour.  The best way to get to a man's heart is not through his
stomach, it's right through his chest with a rusty spoon.  But if you're
the type of person who like to show off their culinary je-ne-sais-quoi,
go ahead.  Just don't cook these dishes:

1. Macaroni and Cheese: No matter how homemade it is, people are still
going to wonder if it came in a little cardboard box.
2. Spaghetti: Even the most talented and graceful chefs will have
trouble taking their bows with sauce dribbling off their chins.
3. Fish: Any animal that can be bought with the head still attached
will worry certain people.  Even if the head was nowhere near the
package you purchased, guests will still wonder where you're keeping it.

4. Chinese Food: Being able to cook food in this eastern manner may be
a gift of yours, but if it is, your guests might end up searching for
the little take-out boxes.  And if, by chance, you can't cook Chinese,
you'll just end up with oily raw vegetables.
5. Breakfast Cereal: This category would also include oatmeal and the
like.  If people wanted to go out for this kind of food, they'd visit
Snap, Crackle and Pop or the quaker guy.
6. Steak and Eggs, eh?: Although this is an inside joke, I still advise
against this dish.  There are a lot of people (many maybe not so vocal)
that cannot stand eggs, nor do they have a leaning towards steak.  Just
remember, everyone loves Pizza!
7. Pizza: Unless you're a post-modern Italian Pizza Pie impressionist,
stay away from this creation.  I saw someone make it with flowers once;
it was pretty, but all I wanted was a Dominoes logo stamped onto it.
8. Perogies: For some reason, these little guys cannot shake off their
connection with bowling alleys and cheap wedding receptions.  (Not an
attack on those who include perogies, but on those who think it makes a
banquet on its own.)
9. Chicken Pot or Meat Pie: Sometimes these two dishes can be
delicious.  Most often though, people wonder why they didn't just save
the pies for dessert.  That way, they could pay twice as much to make it
à la mode.  And people think fountain drinks are a rip-off.
10. Corn on the Cob: Strangely enough, it just doesn't scream out "I'm
a gourmet meal!"
11. Borscht: There's a reason why most people don't actually know what
this is.
12. Liver and Onions: This dish is self-explanatory;  if anyone
actually liked Liver, you'd see a lot more of it at McDonald's.

They're simple guidelines:  don't make an assumption that people will
enjoy these meals, just because you might.  Impressing people is a
difficult job.  How many sitcoms have you seen where such a similar
scheme failed miserably.  Did Lucy Ricardo, Laura Petrie and Lavernne
and Shirley suffer in vain?  I sure hope not.