Laymens Guide to Medical Terminology

Adenoids Space creatures that are keeping Elvis alive on Pluto
Aerobe       A garment worn around the house
Anally       Occuring yearly
Anasthesia A Russian princess you studied in school
Antacid  Halucinagenic drugs used by little bugs
Anthrax Trail made by ants
Artery       Study of paintings
Asthma  What you do if dad says no
Atrophy Prize for winning
Autoblast A car horn
Autopsy    The hood of a car
Bacteria    Back door to a cafeteria
Barium         What doctors do when treatment fails
Benign         What you are after you be eight
Bilateral        Someone who speaks two languages
Blood Count Dracula
Bowel               A letter like A, E, I, O, or U
Bronchitis        Dinosaur from the Plastasine Age
Buck Fever      Incessant craving for dollar bills
Burger's Disease From eating in too many fast food joints
Cardiac            Someone crazy about old cars
Cardioplasty   Credit card
Carditis        Addicted to poker
Caesarean Section A district in Rome
Carpal              People who drive to work together
Catalyst      A guy who works on a ranch
Catarrh.     Stringed instrument
Cathode Ray The amount Ray billed Cathy
Cat Scan     Looking for kitty
Cauterize     Made eye contact with her
Cavity           Drinks from the menu
Colic         A sheep dog
Coma            A punctuation mark
Congenital     Friendly
Conjunctivitis Prisoners littering their cells with trash
Cystogram      A telegram to your sister
D&C           Where Washington is
Denial            Where Cleopatra swam
Diarrhea      Journal of daily events
Dilate            To live long
Dyspareunie Don't worry
Electrode        Amount due to the power company
Elixir              What a dog does to his master
Enema           Not a friend
Eustachian    Where you catch the U train
Fester           Quicker
Fibula            Small lie
Flatulate     Fix a tire
Flocculation Admired by a group of birds
Fracture         Part of a whole
Gall bladder       An anti-Roman vessel
Gargles             Quasimodo's friends
Genital            Non-jewish
Genotype      Kind of girl Gino dates
G.I. Series        Soldier ball game
Grippe              Suit case
Hangnail            Coat hook
Hemorrhoid          What you offer to a hitchiker
High Colonic     Jewish religious holiday
Homogenous     A brilliant gay
Hormone          A prostitute's cry
Hymen           Opposite of high women
Hypodermic        Big, fat zoo animal
Impotent           Distinguished; well known
Ingrown Hair A rabbit raised indoors
Injection       Opposite of rejection
Intense Pain Torture in the teepee
Intern             One after another
Isodense       I ain't too smart
Kidney             The joint between a child's hip and ankle
Labor Pain       Getting hurt at work
Liver             A person who lives on and on
Lumbar           Wooden planks
Lymphocytes Where people with sore legs can walk
Mandible        Cannibal food
Medical Staff     Doctors cane
Melancholia     A breed of dog that eats cantaloupe
Minor Operation     Coal digging
Miscarriage       Losing your shopping cart
Morbid         Higher offer
Nitrate         Cheaper than a day rate
Node          Was aware of
Oral            Mountain range in Russia
Organic         Musical
Otomy            My car not yours
Outpatient     Person who has fainted
Pap smear      Fatherhood test
Paradox         Two doctors
Pasteurize      Too far to see
Patella         To caress one's female companion
Pathology  Study of roadmaps
Pedicure  Prescription for Fido
Peduncle  What baby did on uncle's lap
Pelvis          Cousin of Elvis
Penis           To pee in Venice
Pharmacy Cultivating the ocean floor
Phlebitis Why dogs scratch
Platelet          A saucer
Postoperative       Letter carrier
Prolapse      Nascar race track
Prostate           Flat on your back
Protein           Favoring young people
Recovery room      Place to do upholstery
Rectum           Dang near killed him!
Relapse         Second time around the track
Resonance imaging         A DaVinci painting
Retractor      Second hand John Deere
Rheumatic     Amorous
Rhinoplasty         Charge card for the zoo
Scapula        Burger flipper
Sebum          A surfer
Secretion      Hiding something
Senile        Viewing an Egyptian river
Serology         Study of English knighthood
Seizure         Roman emperor
Shock      Ocean fish with sharp teeth
Sphincter          An Egyptian statue
Supraclavicular        Interstate traffic pile-up
Systole           Your sister told on you
Tablet           A small table
Talus          Request an answer
Tension     What the officer demands of his troops
Terminal Illness     Getting sick at the airport
Testicles        Books of the Bible
Tibia            Country in North Africa
Tissue        God bless you!
Toe            To take away your car
Tolerance What you get after giving growth hormone to ants
Tubule      Two oxes
Tumor        More than one
Urinate       What a nurse says to patient in room eight
Urine         Opposite of "You're Out"
Urogram Finally your son has a kid
Varicose     Near by
Vein      Conceited
Vulva     Swedish automobile
Wound     Will not