Classifieds

Printed bloopers from the Classifieds:

LOST: SMALL APRICOT POODLE. REWARD. NEUTERED. LIKE ONE OF THE FAMILY.

A SUPERB AND INEXPENSIVE RESTAURANT. FINE FOOD EXPERTLY SERVED BY WAITRESSES
IN APPETIZING FORMS.

DINNER SPECIAL -- TURKEY $2.35; CHICKEN OR BEEF $2.25; CHILDREN $2.00.

FOR SALE: AN ANTIQUE DESK SUITABLE FOR LADY WITH THICK LEGS AND LARGE DRAWERS.

FOR SALE: A QUILTED HIGH CHAIR THAT CAN BE MADE INTO A TABLE, POTTIE CHAIR,
ROCKING HORSE, REFRIGERATOR, SPRING COAT, SIZE 8 AND FUR COLLAR.

FOUR-POSTER BED, 101 YEARS OLD. PERFECT FOR ANTIQUE LOVER.

NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO HAVE YOUR EARS PIERCED AND GET AN EXTRA PAIR TO TAKE HOME
TOO.

WANTED: 50 GIRLS FOR STRIPPING MACHINE OPERATORS IN FACTORY.

WANTED: UNMARRIED GIRLS TO PICK FRESH FRUIT AND PRODUCE AT NIGHT.

WE DO NOT TEAR YOUR CLOTHING WITH MACHINERY. WE DO IT CAREFULLY BY HAND.

NO MATTER WHAT YOUR TOPCOAT IS MADE OF, THIS MIRACLE SPRAY WILL MAKE IT REALLY
REPELLENT.

FOR SALE. THREE CANARIES OF UNDERMINED SEX.

FOR SALE -- EIGHT PUPPIES FROM A GERMANY SHEPHERD AND AN ALASKAN HUSSY.

CREATIVE DAILY SPECIALS, INCLUDING SELECT OFFERING OF BEEF, FOUL, FRESH
VEGETABLES, SALADS, QUICHE.

7 OUNCES OF CHOICE SIRLOIN STEAK, BOILED TO YOUR LIKENESS AND SMOTHERED WITH
GOLDEN FRIED ONION RINGS.

GREAT DAMES FOR SALE.

HAVE SEVERAL VERY OLD DRESSES FROM GRANDMOTHER IN BEAUTIFUL CONDITION.

TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF. LET ME DO IT.

20 DOZEN BOTTLES OF EXCELLENT OLD TAWNY PORT, SOLD TO PAY FOR CHARGES, THE
OWNER HAVING LOST SIGHT OF, AND BOTTLED BY US LAST YEAR.

DOG FOR SALE: EATS ANYTHING AND IS FOND OF CHILDREN.

VACATION SPECIAL: HAVE YOUR HOME EXTERMINATED.

MT. KILIMANJARO, THE BREATHTAKING BACKDROP FOR THE SERENA LODGE. SWIM IN THE
LOVELY POOL WHILE YOU DRINK IT ALL IN.