breaking up the 90's way

Men often find blowing off a woman the most difficult part of the dating
process.  The closest they ever come to telling a woman it's over is to
look her straight in the eye and say, "I'll call you next week."  But
there is now a great way to blow a woman off.  It's safe, it's
affordable and the best thing is the female has no opportunity to throw
things at you. It's at your fingertips right now: E-mail. That's how all
the happening, 90's kind of guys are telling women they are not worthy.

You'll feel like a real man knowing you have told her how you really
feel from the safety of your keyboard.  And you can delete her response
without ever reading it.  What could be more painless?

Here is an e-mail rejection letter: Men can use it the next time they
need to put their main squeeze on notice. The text of the letter
follows:

Dear (her name),

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention to become the future Mrs. (your last name).  As you are
probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough this year and
dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make
the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening
become available.

So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors,
please allow me to offer the following reasons you were disqualified
from the competition:

(men will check those that apply)

_____Your failure to reach for your purse in even a feigned attempt to
pay for dinner by the fourth date displayed a stunning ignorance of
basic economics.

______Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms and K-Y Jelly by
the truckload" indicates that you may be slightly over-qualified for the
position.

______You failed the 20 question rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

______The only question you did ask was how much money I make.

______You neglected to reach over and unlock my car door from the inside
after I opened the passenger side door for you.

______My breasts are bigger than yours.

______Your height is out of proportion with your weight. If you should,
however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please
resubmit your application.

______Your repeated comments such as, "Is it still called a penis when
it's this small?"  were both uncalled for and thoughtless.

______The way you enthusiastically jumped on stage at the alternative
bar and danced with the lesbians demonstrated that you are far too
impressionable and have a disconcerting lack of commitment to
heterosexuality.

______Your revelation that you would most certainly allow your
ex-boyfriend to shack up with you again after he "beats that domestic
abuse rap" shows compassion but makes it difficult to take you
seriously.

______Although your inability to achieve orgasm was of paramount
importance to me, your suggestion that we invite the basketball team
into the bedroom so it would be "just like college" seemed somewhat
extreme and inappropriate.

______I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.


Sincerely,



(Your name)



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