Be warned


I'm currently running the latest version of Microsoft Girlfriend and
I've been having some problems lately.  I've been running the same
version of MSDrinkingBuddies 1.0 as my primary application, and all
the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.
     
I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in
background mode and the sound is turned off.  But I'm embarrassed to
say that I can't find the facility to turn the sound off.  I just run
them separately and it works O.K.
     
GirlFriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my MS
Cricket, Football, Basketball, Hockey and Golf programs, often trying to
abort them with some sort of timing incompatibility errors.
    
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0 but I thought I
might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0.  After months of
conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had
experience with GirlFriend 2.0.
     
He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0,
and eventually it would require a token ring to run properly.  He was
right - as soon as i purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.
     
Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3 beta.  All the bugs were
supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a
virus anyway.  I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a
while.
    
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0.  This time I used a
SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program.  It
worked O.K .for a while, until I discovered that Girl friend 1.0 was
still in my system.  I tried running GirlFriend1.0 again with
GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I
didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other
version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which
results in the immediate removal of both versions.
     
The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some
problems.  Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some
obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram.  Frankly I
feel that there is too much attention paid to the look and feel
rather than the desired functionality.  Also, to get the best
connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated
contacts.  And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally
"object-oriented".
     
A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to
GirlFriendPlus 1.0 which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of
GirlFriend.  He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a
year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after
that he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0 which he describes as a huge
resource hog.  It has taken up all his space, so he can't load
anything else until he upgrades his systems hardware.
     
One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because
it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.  Well, as it turns out, the
resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 when bundled with
MSFulltime-Job, sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus,
particularly the new Plug-ins and Device-Drivers he wanted to try.
On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system
before he can do anything.
     
Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MS Mother-in-Law
which has an automatic pop-up display, the ability to communicate
endlessly with Wife 1.0 and a sound feature he can't turn off.
     
I told him to try installing MS Mistress 1.0 but he said he'd heard
if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0
will automatically PKunzip MS Lawyer, scan all sub-directories, and
delete MS Money files before doing the uninstall itself.  Then
Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources,
and directs you back to GirlFriend 1.0, thereby starting the whole
cycle over.  Otherwise, you have no option but to do everything by
and, which I'm told can be quicker and less complicated.