THE SICK NOTE

Dear Sir, I write this note to you to tell you of my plight
And at the time of writing, I am not a pretty sight
My body is all black and blue, my face a deathly gray
and I write this note to say why Paddy's not at work today.

While working on the fourteenth floor, some bricks I had to clear
Now to throw them down from such a height was not a good idea
The foreman wasn't very pleased, he being an awkward sod
He said I had to take them down the ladder in my hod.

Now clearing all these bricks it was, by hand, so very slow
so I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below.
But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
that a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me.

So when I untied the rope the bloody barrel fell like lead
and clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead
Well I shot up like a rocket 'til to my dismay I found
halfway up I met the fipping barrel coming down

Well the barrel broke my shoulder, as to the ground it sped
and when I reached the top I banged the pulley with my head
I clung on tight though numbed with shock from this almighty blow
and the barrel spilled out half the bricks - fourteen floors below.

Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel so I started down once more
still clinging tightly to the rope I sped towards the ground
and landed on the broken bricks that were scattered all around

I lay there groaning on the ground, I thought I had the worst
when the barrel hit the pulley and then the bottom burst.
A shower of bricks rained on me, I hadn't got a hope
as I lay there moaning on the ground, I let go the shagging rope

The barrel then being heavier, it started down once more
and landed right across me as I lay upon the floor.
Well it broke three ribs and my left arm and I can only say
I hope you'll understand why Paddy is not at work today.