INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so, you agree to accept
and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else
a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of
Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your
dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the over. Set the
oven using these keystrokes: <mstv.dinn.//08/.5min@50%heat//> Then enter:
<ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy/yum~ym:-) gohot#cookme.>

(If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will
set itself and cook the dinner. If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner,
enter the ingredients of the dinner (found on the package label), the
weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The
oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your
specification.)

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven
must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the
oven and enter <ms.nodamn.good/tryagain/again/again.crap> This process may
have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold
reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than
the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are
empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in
your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken
variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call Microsoft
Help and they will explain that you really don't want another
variety--Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of its
chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size.
Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in
Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that
version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in
advance. Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the
freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a
bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.