~~~ Snails ~~~

This guy has a wife who's a real social climber. She's always nagging at
him to spend more, look better, get better friends - it never stops.
They've got the fancy cars and the beach house and the whole nine yards.

Finally, she decides to throw a big party to show off. At the last
minute, she decides she has to serve escargot to the guests. The fancy
people serve escargot, so it can't be anything but escargot. But it's
too late to go out and buy them, so she sends him down along the beach with
a bucket to pick up the snails.

While the poor schmuck is down there wandering along with his bucket of
snails, he runs into a beautiful girl. They start talking and she
invites him up to her place for a drink. He thinks, "I've got to get back, so
I'll just have one drink and then I'll get back." Well, one drink leads
to another and one thing leads to another, and he wakes up about 5 AM
the next morning. He knows he's in trouble, so he tries to sneak into the
house.

Lugging his bucket of snails, he tiptoes in through the door and up the
stairs towards the bedroom. Halfway up the stairs, he trips. He and the
bucket crash into the wall and snails spill all the way down the stairs.

His wife slams open the door of the bedroom and screams at him, "Where
have you been? I sent you out for those snails hours ago! I had 100
guests and no escargot to feed them! I was never so embarrassed in my
life!"

Thinking quickly, he turns, looks down the stairs at all these snails
and hollers, "C'mon fellas hurry up, we're almost there!"