New Drugs

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs
oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society..

DIRECTRA -- a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips
caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost,
compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA -- Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to
actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA -- Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to
perform more child-care tasks -- especially cleaning up spills and
"little" accidents.

COMPLIMENTRA -- In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.
Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new
clothing.

BUYAGRA -- Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to
buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for
only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a
period longer than your favorite store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA -- Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently
undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA -- This drug had the strange effect of making men want to
turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA -- This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases
back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car
rides.

FLYAGRA -- This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with
O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA -- About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the
test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other
people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special
prosecutors."

LIAGRA -- This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked
about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury, and
Presidential Strength versions.