The cruel pains of Gilligan Syndrome

A rather inhibited engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to
the Caribbean.  It was the "craziest" thing he had ever done in his
life.  Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared
upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child's toy.  Somehow the
engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash
ashore on a secluded island.

Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there
was little else.  He lost all hope and sat for hours on end under the same
palm tree.  One day, after several months had passed, a gorgeous woman in a
small rowboat appeared.

"I'm from the other side of the island," she said.  "Were you on the cruise
ship, too?"

"Yes, I was," he answered.  "But, where did you get that rowboat?"  "Well, I
whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the reinforced gunnel from
palm branches and made the keel and stern from a eucalyptus tree."

"But, what did you use for tools?" asked the man.

"There was a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock exposed on the south side
of the island.  I discovered that if I fired it to a certain temperature in
my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron.  Anyhow, that's how I got
the tools.  But, enough of that," she said.  "Where have you been living all
this time?  I don't see any shelter."

"To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the beach," he said.

"Would you like to come to my place?" the woman asked.  The engineer nodded
dumbly.

She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island and tied up the
boat with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp topped with a neat back
splice.  They walked up a winding stone walk she had laid and around a palm
tree.  There stood an exquisite bungalow painted blue and white.

"It's not much, but I call it home."

Inside, she said, "Sit down, please; would you like to have a drink?"

"No, thanks," said  the man.  "One more coconut juice and I'll throw up!"

"It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied.  "I have a crude still out
back, so we can have authentic pina coladas."

Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted the drink, and they sat down
on her couch to talk.  After they had exchanged stories, the woman asked,
"Tell me, have you always had a beard?"

"No," the man replied, "I was clean-shaven all of my life until I ended up
on this island."

"Well, if you'd like to shave, there's a razor upstairs in the bathroom
cabinet."

The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and
shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell device honed razor sharp.  Next he
showered--not even attempting to fathom a guess as to how she managed to
get warm water into the bathroom--and went back downstairs.  He couldn't
help but admire the masterfully carved banister as he walked.

"You look great," said the woman.  "I think I'll go up and slip into
something more comfortable."

As she did, the man continued to sip his pina colada.  After a short time,
the woman returned, smelling faintly of gardenias and wearing a revealing
gown fashioned out of pounded palm fronds.

"Tell me," she asked, "we've both been out here for a very long time with
no companionship.  You know what I mean.  Haven't you been lonely,
too...isn't there something that you really, really miss?  Something that
all men and woman need?  Something that would be really nice to have right
now!"

"Yes, there is!" the man replied, shucking off his shyness.  "There is
something I've wanted to do for so long.  But on this island all alone, it
was just...well, it was impossible."

"Well, it's not impossible anymore," the woman said.

The man, practically panting in excitement, said breathlessly: "You
mean...you actually figured out some way we can CHECK OUR E-MAIL HERE!!??!!"