Microsoft in the news

A friend sent me this a while back... no credits available.....

News Flash:
In a surprise move, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates announced yesterday
that he has purchased the entire calendar year of 1998.
" 1998 will be replaced instead by ""Year-M"" to be followed by actual
1998."
" ""Windows 98 was not going to ship on schedule,"" Gates said."
" ""But we couldn't change the name again... people were starting to
get confused. "
Instead of spending a lot of time and money on a new marketing
campaign we decided just to buy 1998.
" That way we get an extra year to debug Windows and get it shipped
for what will be the new 1998."""
Microsoft arranged this coup by leveraging its financial assets to
bail out the Federal Government and pay off the national debt.
" The IRS is being disbanded for next year, but taxes will be
collected as usual with one change: all checks must be made payable to
""Bill Gates."""
" A side benefit of this purchase is that Gates now owns the judicial
branch for the duration of ""Year-M."""
Speculators stated that Gates would likely use this opportunity to
dismiss the numerous lawsuits pending against Microsoft.
Gates apparently feels this would be cheaper than actually hiring
lawyers to represent his rickety cases.
In a related story, God has filed suit against Gates because of his
purchase, claiming time to be the sole property of God.
" In a countersuit, Gates claims God is a monopoly and demands that he
be broken up into ""deity conglomerates."""
" ""Gosh,"" said Gates. ""They broke up AT&T... why can't we break up
God?"""
Inside sources at Microsoft said that Gates was looking for an early
resolution to the suit by hiring God as a programmer.
Evidently, God has the exact profile that Gates is looking for in a
programmer:
HE doesn't mind rainy climates, doesn't need any money, isn't
married, and can work for at least 6 days without sleeping.
" ""If we could just get some employees like that,"" Gates lamented,
""we would be able to ship Windows 98 on time."