How Things Would Be Different If Microsoft Moved to West Virginia

1.  Their number 1 product would be "Microsoft Winders".
2.  Instead of an hourglass icon, you'd get an empty beer bottle.
3.  Occasionally, you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag
    and duct tape.
4.  Instead of Yes-No-Cancel buttons, you'd get Awright-Naw-Git.
5.  Instead of playing "TaDa", the opening sound would be "Dueling
    Banjoes".
6.  The Recycle Bin in Winders95 would be an outhouse.
7.  Everytime you opened the sound player, you'd hear "Freebird".
8.  Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders95 theme song would be "Boot
    Scootin' Boogie".
9.  Powerpoint would be named "ParPawnt".
10. Instead of VP, Microsoft bigshots would be called "Cuz".
11. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Camaro.
12. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver.
13. "Well the first thing ya know old Bill's a billionaire..."
14. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator.
15. Microsoft CEO known as "Billy-Bob" ("Bubba" to his friends).
16. Winders95 Plus pack would include "Pond Scum" and "Junkyard"
    schemes.
17. One wrong turn on the web would send you face to face with a 12 gauge.
18. "This computer protected by Smith and Wesson" Screen Saver.
19. Directions to Corporate Headquarters: "Down the road a piece."
20. Microsoft Word includes phonetic spell checker "Hookt on fonics
    werkt 4 me".