Top Tips from Viz

Job Seeker. Never take fish and chips to a job interview.

Deter goldfish from having sex by throwing a small bucket of air over any
that you catch in the act.

Motorists.  At night convince oncoming drivers that the road has "speed
humps" by regularly slowing to a virtual stop and then flashing your
headlights.

Always fart into the rings on the top of your gas cooker.  This will turn
back the meter and save you money over a period of time.

Golfers.  Improve your putting technique by pausing and pretending to tie
your shoelaces until the sun passes behind the flag a casts a shadow across
your ball.  Then simply putt straight along the thin black line and into the
hole.  Works every time.

Girls.  Avoid the need to keep pulling at the bottom of your mini-skirt by
buying one that's three inches longer.

Dog lovers.  Catch a bluebottle after it has landed on your dog's shit, then
preserve it in the fridge in a jelly cube.  If your dog dies, the vet will
then be able to recreate it by using 'Jurassic Park' type DNA technology.