The Ten Laws of Life:

The Law of Volunteering: 
    If you dance with a grizzly bear, you'd better let him lead

The Law of Avoiding Oversell
    When putting cheese in the mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse

The Law of Knowing When to Quit
    The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets

The Law of Common Sense
    Never accept a drink from a urologist

The 1st Law of Reality
    There are days that no matter which way you spit, it's upwind

The 2nd Law of Reality
    When you starve a tiger, the tiger starves last

The 3rd Law of Reality
    Whatever it is that hits the fan, it's never evenly distributed

The 4th Law of Reality
    Never fight with ugly people, they have nothing to lose

The 5th Law of Reality
    Creativity is great; Plagiarism is faster

The Law of Goal-Setting
    Reality is a crutch for those who can't cope with fantasy