The Top 15 Signs You've Caught the Chicken Flu


15> Fever - check; chills - check; uncontrollable urge to defecate
    on the windshield of your neighbor's Ford Escort - check.

14> Mom makes you a nice hot bowl of human soup.

13> You feel a darkening in the force, as though a million little
    chicken souls were suddenly snuffed out.

12> You just served your kids regurgitated cornmeal for dinner
    again.

11> You have the strange urge to smother your breasts with
    spaghetti sauce & parmesan cheese.

10> You lose your job at the drive-thru when you start asking
    customers, "Would you like some gravel with that?"

9> Only medicines that help at all are Kaopecktate and NyQuill.

8> Showing your pecker in public no longer results in an
    embarrassing arrest.

7> Sudden irrational fear of hot sauce and blue cheese dressing.

6> Your new marketing plan wasn't the only thing that laid an egg
    at the staff meeting.

5> You find yourself coughing up Lung McNuggets.

4> Receptionist buzzes you with "Five cleaver-wielding Chinese
    officials to see you, sir."

3> That annoying rooster on the neighbor's farm now seems, well,
    kinda sexy.

2> Suddenly, you're deliriously happy to work for chicken feed.


    and the Number 1 Sign You've Caught the Chicken Flu...


1> Suicidal urge to climb into a hot tub full of boiling teriyaki
    sauce or a big plastic bag of Shake 'n' Bake.