The Top 15 Signs You've Caught the Chicken Flu
15> Fever - check; chills - check; uncontrollable urge to defecate
on the windshield of your neighbor's Ford Escort - check.
14> Mom makes you a nice hot bowl of human soup.
13> You feel a darkening in the force, as though a million little
chicken souls were suddenly snuffed out.
12> You just served your kids regurgitated cornmeal for dinner
again.
11> You have the strange urge to smother your breasts with
spaghetti sauce & parmesan cheese.
10> You lose your job at the drive-thru when you start asking
customers, "Would you like some gravel with that?"
9> Only medicines that help at all are Kaopecktate and NyQuill.
8> Showing your pecker in public no longer results in an
embarrassing arrest.
7> Sudden irrational fear of hot sauce and blue cheese dressing.
6> Your new marketing plan wasn't the only thing that laid an egg
at the staff meeting.
5> You find yourself coughing up Lung McNuggets.
4> Receptionist buzzes you with "Five cleaver-wielding Chinese
officials to see you, sir."
3> That annoying rooster on the neighbor's farm now seems, well,
kinda sexy.
2> Suddenly, you're deliriously happy to work for chicken feed.
and the Number 1 Sign You've Caught the Chicken Flu...
1> Suicidal urge to climb into a hot tub full of boiling teriyaki
sauce or a big plastic bag of Shake 'n' Bake.